When you think you are that important…

I’ve been so ridiculously paranoid I know it’s just a part of my day to day shit but damn come on now Tara pull your shit together you don’t do anything or know anyone worth being fallowed and watched like ugh I constantly be thinking people are out to get me one way or another and always thinking people I know are either watching me or trying to get over on me or use me and tell my business and just everything this is why I isolate I don’t believe it’s possible to find true friends anymore now days honestly I don’t I mean unless they are from child hood the people we meet as adults are not our friends they are jaded and matching energy to the point they will get you before they can be gotten now days so they are only your friend till they don’t need you anymore and that’s why I don’t trust people I find myself being loyal to people who don’t know the definition I find myself holding on to the image of them they portrayed themselves to be instead of seeing the truth and walking i allow them to use and use and use me in hopes of that good to come back till I finally just can’t take the hurt anymore. Don’t get me wrong being friends with me is not easy bc I’m always having random fears random outbursts random freakouts I tend to accuse people I love to be doing me wrong randomly bc I get paranoid but I also admit I was wrong and say sorry I warn everyone who enters my life of the fact I have issues and if they can’t handle them just leave before I get attached yet they always stay long enough to bond with them they leave and I never hear from them again or they come in and out using me when I’m needed and then gone when they no longer are in a bad way life’s good they leave goes bad they back and I always allow it bc I’ve been alone when it was to much and I won’t sit back and watch anyone go threw that I barely made it out each time I’ve experienced that kinda dark… Idk im rambling bc my mind is everywhere tonight I’ve had to much time interacting with people and they have me all fucked up bc they where being weird and made me think that they where around for alterier motives