sooo i fucked up also sorry i been mia i know i suck at staying on top of shit lately

ok so yall i kept forgetting and putting off calling the pharmacy idk why the shot works and it works great for me, but im over a week past due for my new one and they had to up my dose to top it off bc my schizo shit kinda like appears almost like the shadow people in scary movies except they are not scary, all but one and hes tall dark and heavy like when he actually does speak and he moves which he ususally stays pretty much to himself and were good but something got him stiring tonight like frfr hes being vocal and hes even heavier darker and seems bigger then normal but i mean i have beeen medicated and i keep having to remind myself that its not real its my head and the things said are not true and that my imagination is running wild all that i keep checking myself like im supposed too, hes just always making good points about shit i dont like to face like he keeps talking about to idk who but about how im waist of time and in the way how im more of a burden to people then i am anything else and with examples and like i know im not easy and i know im different from most but a burdan seems harsh to me like i dont wanna be in anyones way or holding them back causing issues but i mean i dont bring anything to the table honestly i do shit like this and neeed to be watched im not right now im not that far out there but another weeek or2 and i could go fulll blown episode at this rate …. i cant believe im writing this for the world to see and judge but fuck im trying to hold on to reality im just having a moment itll pass they usually do crzy how much he effects me honestly kinda like haunting myself ugh i got this oh ohohoh so during my crzy moment i think i figured out why i cant seem to make it work with anyone in a relationship and its bc im still in love with a man i lost when i was 19 how crazy is that shit to be in love with someone who you have not seen and only emailed maybe 20 times over a 15 yr time span like thats crazy people shit maybe i do need to be having my own like suit at the mental hospital itll just ve my personal room haha idk but i cant get him out of my head and his thougt makes my tummmy flutter i get goose bumps and feel warm all at once okay yay hes getting quiet again maybe i talked adn typed my way threw this one thank the lord ugh i got a headache setting in now between the seizures and shit on top of everything im never sure whats what adn causing what